Letting Go of My Plan

The lack of solidity to plans will never cease to amaze me. One day, the plan is going according to schedule; goals are being checked off in timely fashion, one after another. And then, it happens. Something out of the blue occurs, and the well-set, "perfect" plan unravels into a pile of thread. Being a planner by nature, I do not handle my plans falling apart well. In fact, I tend to be a moody mess of a person until I get over it. My poor family! (They should really get a reward for putting up with me, by the way!)  Here they are, yet again, dealing with my sulky and ornery self as my heart's desire is to back to DBU. 

I love everything about DBU! The faculty, students, education, location, atmosphere, everything! There is just something about being a part of the school that makes my heart sing. However, for health reasons, I have had to be home since December. The original plan was to return to DBU this fall, but my health is not currently cooperating. To be honest, I truly do not know where I will be attending school this fall. It will either be DBU or a Florida school that has accepted me. 

Knowing that this doctor's visit would be discouraging, I decided to be optimistic anyways. I was again reminded that returning to Dallas does not appear to be a wise choice. Despite numerous people, whose opinions I trust and value, telling me that staying in Florida would be wise, my expectations have been to return to Dallas. 

Prior to attending DBU the very first time, I was very sick. Two months before school would be starting, I was on a complete liquid diet. Every meal consisted of a protein shake. God had made it very clear to me that I was to attend to DBU. However, I did not know if that would be in two months or in January. And then, He performed a miracle! I started in August 2011. I am eternally grateful for my time and opportunities at DBU. I have learned so much from my professors and friends there. I am forever changed because of my time there.

Now, here I am again. My health is not doing well. This time, though, I do not have peace about where God wants me to be come this August. Scared of God's answer, I have not been willing to be still before Him and just listen. Rather, I am here pleading and pleading for Him to allow me to return to the school that I love and adore. After all, shouldn't I return to the school that molded me into who I am now? 

The answer is no, not necessarily. 

I was reading a book today about being thankful that a dear mentor gave to me a while back ago. Towards the end of the first chapter, I was hit by a thought that I have been chewing on all day. The book mentions the lesson of Hezekiah and Manasseh (2 Kings 20-21). King Hezekiah was supposed to die from illness, but rather than accepting God's plan, he pleads with God to allow him to live longer. God allows Hezekiah to live longer, and he has a son Manasseh. Manasseh succeeds his father to the throne, and he is a very evil king and leads the Israelites away from God. Think about what would have been avoided had Hezekiah chosen to say yes to God's plan instead? The book I am reading goes on to say, "Just that maybe... maybe you don't want to change the story, because you don't know what a different ending holds" (Voskamp 21). God knows the story and how it unfolds - I don't! 

This hit me like a ton of bricks! Maybe, God has a purpose for me at a Florida public university that I do not know about. Maybe, there is an important reason that I need to be there, besides of my health. As I have been mulling over this tonight, I am finally at peace. No, I do not know if I am going to be at DBU or not, but that is okay. I know that wherever I go, that God has a plan for me (Jer. 29:11).  He will guide me as to where I should go to school in His timing, and that is more than okay. It is good!

This is from one of my favorite picnic benches at DBU