Embracing Another Change

Sometimes, it feels like life changes instantly, like there is no transition. One minute you are going one way, and the next, you are going somewhere completely different. I would like to say that I did not know how I ended up here, but I do. I do know how and why I am going to be transferring to USF, and sadly, I knew deep down back in December that I would not be able to return to the school that I love and adore. I knew that my health would not be strong enough. I am not trying to sound pessimistic, but I knew deep in my soul that I would not be returning to DBU this August. I simply refused to acknowledge this feeling for months and months until I was forced to last week. This realization hit me hard, and I was left wondering, "What on earth could be better than DBU?" After all, I have met some of the most amazing people out there. How could I say goodbye to the people that I admire the most in the world?

As one of my sisters would readily agree to, I was a histrionic and melodramatic mess. I was impossible to live with for at least a week as all I wanted to do was cry, whine, and moan about how much I wanted to go back to DBU. When anyone would try to soothe me with wisdom and the truth that the world had not ended and in fact is still revolving around the sun, I would give the aggravating, "yes, but it is not the same!" answer.

I pleaded and pleaded with God. His answer remained the same. I am not strong enough to return. At first, I refused to accept this answer because, of course, I must return to DBU. 

Then a change happened as I began to realize that there is not only one place for a person to be. It took me a long time to understant that it would be okay if the plan changed. If God changed the school that I would attend, it would not be a bad thing. I had a hard time accepting this. In fact, for a long time, I refused to accept this. It was going to be my way, and that was that. I remembered how my high school years had gone and how God had different plans than mine. I followed Him, but I was not crazy about not being able to graduate from the school that I had been at since 7th grade. I did not want to have to sacrifice my plans again. My selfish heart refused to give up my dream of graduating from DBU.

Then I realized how wrong I was. Change is not a bad thing. It can be a very good thing. Also, change is not permanent as another change will be along soon. Most importantly, God does not make mistakes. He uses every experience to grow us and mold us to be more like Him. It is up to us to say, "Your will be done, Lord, and please allow me learn and grow from this experience that I am now walking in." It is up to us to have a willing heart to follow and obey Him day in and day out. It took speaking with a very dear and amazing couple from Texas to finally get into my head. They told me that in all situations, it is up to you to be better because of the situation or be bitter because of the situation. Bitter or better? It is up to you. The phrase "it is up to you" is still ringing in my ears. They are completely right! It is up to me to say to God that I will trust Him and follow Him. I will go where He leads, even if I do not understand it now. 

I have so much to be thankful for! I have a wonderful, supportive family, who put up with my craziness and moodiness. I cannot even begin to count the number of people praying for me! I mean, wow!! I wish that I could sit down with each person and thank each one for praying personally! I believe that it is the greatest gift that someone can give as it is talking to the Lord Almighty on another's behalf. 

Growing up, I felt like this passage was over quoted, but now, it is just so sweet to me! It is a wonderful description of Jesus and how He leads us through our lives: 

Psalm 23 (ESV)

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.